Fred's Journal

11:22am: greetings live journal world.

the summer is upon us. for the last 19 years i've always disliked summer because it's stinking hot, but this year i've come to enjoy the burning sun's rays on my skin. i've re-discovered swimming as one of the most therapeutic ways to relax and i've found that sitting under the intense heat of the universe's largest star is like sitting in a free steam room.

until next time!

12:40pm: hello live journalers.

in my time of idle waiting i will enlighten you with the goings on in my life.

....

eh.

i'm normal.

i have a lot of reading to do because i have two history classes and a political science class. as you can probably guess, there is a butt load of reading to do, and what kind of sucks is that i'm already behind. how many weeks, actually days, has it been since the beginning of school? 4. or is it 5? either way, it's sad enough that you could count it all on one hand.

i'm happy because we had a new cafeteria open up this semester, affectionately called the Super DC. actually, its real name is "crossroads" but i prefer the Super DC. i think it's our answer to Ucla's cafeterias. it's all futuristic and stuff because everything is silver! SILVER! wow.

i got the ghostbusters theme song as a ringtone on my cell phone. now, whenever i get phone calls, i just want to bust a jiggy. but the downside is, i nearly miss phone calls because i'm getting into the groove so much. who you gonna call? ghostbusters. AND HEY I JUST THOUGHT OF SOMETHING. in the ghostbusters theme song it says "who you gonna call" and it's ironic that it does have to do with "calling." it's my cell phone.

whatevs. bye you brutes.

3:26pm: livejournal just wants to milk the life out of frank the goat.

why do you insist on forcing us to generate codes in order to invite other willing people to join the livejournal ring? elitist, i say. why do you have to prevent humans from freely voicing their opinions, you greedy hog?

that's why i'm advocating: MOVE TO BLOGS.

besides being pleasing to the eye and capable of being HTML-manipulated, IT IS FREE. free for the human race!

plus, they have really cool smiley faces in the comment boxes. really, they're cool. check out www.thederftheory.blogspot.com to see what all the cool people are doing, idiots.

shannon, ria, and petersh agree. so be a conformist and jump on the boat!

peace.

post-script: don't worry, i'll still be updating my livejournal. no matter what they say, i can't get enough of that frank the goat lovin.

1:42pm: by the way, what kind of digital camera should i get?

hp? canon? sony? toshiba?

i know samsung has one vote already...

1:22pm: now, for some updating action.

winter break is great. just the fact that i can sprawl out on the carpet and that i have space to roll around freely makes me want to fart with joy. man, it's really good to be home. i never truly realized what a blessing it is to be able to just lie down on carpet.

which is why that was all i did at ria's christmas party. i have no shame. when i go to someone's house, the first thing i do will be rolling around. i mean, come on, there's no reason why all that carpety space should be left unsatisfied.

i discovered what a truly awesome game CLUE is. dude, that is one gangster game. hm. i thought i could pull that one off, but i guess not. even so. i repeat: that is one GANGSTER game. even though all the teams thought they won, it turned out that no one got the right answer. just goes to show you how tricky that game is.

and what's this RISK i keep hearing about? everyone keeps yapping on about that one. i think i'll buy it and see what all the hooplah is about. but last time i checked, the game cost a ludicrous 30 bucks. i tell you, board games are too expensive these days.

one last thing:

diana ahn for LTG.

3:05am: so i'm sampling BLOG these days.

www.thederftheory.blogspot.com

i like how i get my own www.

it's looking so lonely. show me the loveration, you idiots. :D

3:14am: ON BENDED KNEE
HUMILITY. What a beautiful phenomenon. It's the kind of thing that makes a rushed world full of vain mirror-reflecting and tunnel-visioned running around stop dead in its tracks and utter a soft, disbelieving, "wow."

*But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us.*
-2 Corinthians 4:7

12:42am: POWER IN WEAKNESS
some people say, "religion is for the weak."

i say, "you're right."

because the absolute truth is, humans are fallible. no amount of good deeds could ever completely take away our selfishness, our pride, our faults. when we rely on things of this world - peer approval, money, SELF - we can never achieve true satisfaction. we would forever be lost in a torrent of failure and frustration and confusion.

so yeah, religion is for the weak. which means that it's for EVERYONE.

1:02am: THE DAYS
everyday,

good things happen and not so good things happen.

but the next day,

you forget about it and move on.

so today,

i'll revel in the good things (as much as i can) and i won't sweat the bad things.

because tomorrow's a whole new day.

2:55am: I REMEMBER

My Mormon name is Fredonia DeLaVerne!

12:55am: EYE OF THE STORM
There's never any peace when you solely rely on others' approval to deem your sense of self worth. Sure you could do all sorts of things to gain popularity, but chances are you won't ever completely satiate your thirst for acceptance because there's always that one more person you need to like you.

That's not to say that building relationships isn't a good thing. Remember "no man is an island." Butt, when your only source of happiness comes from a measure of how much other people want you, then you're headed toward a downward spiral into disappointment. When you have a distorted notion that you need peer adoration in order to achieve value as a human being, you breed nothing but jealousy, fear, and anguish.

-"How come they called him and not me?"
-"Why are they so close, and I so isolated?"
-"Why do they like talking to him more than me?"
-"I don't want them to come into our group because they might gain more recognition than me."
-"What if I go and no one wants to hang out with me?"
-"I feel terrible because I don't think anyone likes me."
-"I'm upset that they get more attention than me."

Idolizing other people's perceptions of you is like turning on self-destruction mode. It is human tendency to desire perfect relationships in which the counterparts are in complete fondness of you. Butt, you can never find true happiness through others' approval because the reality is, relationships are not perfect. Needless to say, some people like you much, while others less; some people have great relationships with you, while others lack.

That's why I hold this close to my heart:

"My grace is sufficient for you"
-2 Corinthians 12:9.

I need nothing else to sustain joy in life because I have God's grace giving me a peace that surpasses all understanding. The storm may tear my world apart, but as long as I hold God close to my heart, I shall forever be in the eye of His everlasting love.

2:15pm: I GOT YOU COVERED
paul's dream:

//*
so here's the dream.
i'm in some big ghetto bathroom, kinda like all dingy and stuff, with only one stall, but it's in a big ol' room like a classroom. well, i walked to the stall, and i had to do the big number 2. but then i saw a sign written on a normal 8x11 piece of white paper: "8 went. 8 died."
so i thought to myself, if i go..i'm gonna die?? but i went anyways. i'm going for a bit, then, all of a sudden, kassie dewyke pops her head over the stall. and then i cover my "area" and scream. the scream was half "embarrassed because i'm naked scream" and "she's going to kill me scream." and then she starts laughing.
then fred lee comes running in with a big palm tree leaf and covers the top of the stall to block kassie from seeing me. he's a good friend. he then started like, scolding her or something. and she just said that she was having fun.
then susanna chang come running in. and she's all like, what's happening?? and while she's asking, she picks up a folded piece of toilet paper (folded as in you take a long piece and you fold it in half a few times). i tell her not to touch it cuz it's used, but too late. she screams, then she throws it and it lands on fred's new sweater, and he screams the astonished scream.
and then i woke up and smiled.
*//

LOL. it seems like i'm associated with just about everything that has to do with poop.

on my new sweater? aw gee.

2:33pm: I GOTTA HAVE MORE COWBELL
You know those fortunate, little coincidences that happen every day? The ones that make you go, “dude, that was weird.”

Actually.

You know those fortunate, little miracles that happen every day? The ones that make you go, “dude, that was heavenly.”

Those are awesome.

I finally found a decal. Or rather, the decal found me. I checked my email one day and there it was, sitting patiently in my inbox, waiting for me to discover it in all its coolness.

There was a reason why I got a small Bible. It’s good for eva. There’s a purpose to everything, I tell you.

Quote of the update:

“My wife used to fart when she was nervous…She used to fart in her sleep…One night it was so loud, it woke the dog up.”
-Good Will Hunting

10:43pm: MELANCHOLYYYYYYYYY
i lost the grip i had on myself.

but how can i expect myself to be perfect? i had to lose it some time.

...

but some people don't. and that's what i try so hard to strive for and yet what i always find myself failing at.

maybe this is what it means to be broken. in that case, it's a good thing. make me humble.

but yeah it sucks. but yeah it's necessary. so yeah i'm okay.

11:18pm: I NEED TO SAY
sometimes i get embarassed for myself. i'm clumsy and retarded.

and then i say "COMFY PANTS" and i feel better.

12:39am: WHAT'S LEFT
it causes me a lot of heartache when i think about my parents getting older. they're both so vibrant and active, i don't want to imagine them, you know, old. walking slowly, mumbling, forgetting names...i don't want my parents like that.

and then i think about all the times i lose my patience with them or lash out in anger or bitterness and i'm filled with an overwhelming sense of sorrow. i hate it when all i return is contempt after everything they do for me.

my dad is 62 and my mom is 60. the way i see it, they don't have too much more time. 20 years and it's over. add in the fact that i'll be away for college as well as for graduate school - the amount of time i can spend with them diminishes instantly. this is it. this is all we have left.

i'll be better.

12:35am: WHERE'D IT GO?
i don't want my parents to die.

time just flies by, doesn't it?

2:14am: MUSTS
must...not...move.

or else i sweat like a mad dog in heat. what's wrong with this weather? it's hot at 2:15 in the morning. granted, i do have a low threshold for heat, but still, this temperature is uncalled for. i want to see what berkeley is like when it rains.

must...spend...less.

i got reprimanded by my mother for spending too much money. apparently i used up 1000 bucks this past month. before you jump to conclusions, don't worry, because six hundred of that was needed for "approved of" things like a printer, phone bills, etc. but still, 400 bucks' worth of stuff that i don't quite remember buying is on the extreme side. i'm guessing most of that went toward food...but $400? eh. i really don't remember spending that much. so i'm on a tightwad budget for now. no more new tennis racket for me, at least for the time being.

must...continue...study

God's been giving me a lot of signs to start working, man. eva small group, bible study group, Diana, Kevin, my mom - all have pointed toward this --> "work is permeated by purpose...Our salvation is founded in One who Himself worked at a carpenter's bench. He knew the toil of work, identifying Himself with an aspect of the human condition that will persist until God's kingdom comes in its fullness. But Christ's identification with the worker gives our labor a dignity that can offset the drudgery. The sweaty brow remains a fact of life, but in Christ it becomes an element of servanthood." i got one chapter of psych and one chapter of nutri-sci done. i'm making progress.

must...cut...hair

i'm trying to grow my hair like tom cruise's in 'vanilla sky'. but as for right now, insteady of getting "studly" i'm getting "puffy." my hair was made to be an afro but i refuse to go around looking like the asian don king. so, yeah, i'm letting it grow, but, it's getting awfully shabby. sometimes i think there's a fly on the side of my head but it turns out be just a piece of hair that's tickling me. i think i'll get it trimmed soon at an overpriced berkeley store nearby.

must...quote...this

this is from my psychology text:
"What caused this fine-tuned universe? Why is there something rather than nothing? What made it - like Baby Bear's porridge - 'just right'? How did it come to be, in the words of Harvard-Smithsonian astrophysicist Owen Gingerich (1999), 'so extraordinarily right, that it seemed the universe had been expressly designed to produce intelligent, sentient beings'? Is there a benevolent super intelligence behind it all? Or have there actually been an infinite number of universes born and we just happen to be the lucky inhabitants of one that, by chance, was exquisitely fine-tuned to give birth to us? On most of these questions, science is silent." but God is heard.

must...contain...excitement

this thursday, man. i get chills just thinking about it. we'll see what His plan is.

must...go...sleep

good night.

10:50am: ALL THE MORE REASON
this world is a very scary place. anyone who loves a world where snipers randomly shoot at people on the street is either insane or insanely brave. either way, you're insane.

all the more reason to live a fulfilling life. how sucky would it be to get shot when you're complaining, or being jealous of someone else, or yelling at a friend? what a horrible way to go. i'm not going down like that. when i get "shot" i want to be okay with it. i want to be able to say, "i'm content, so it's okay."

and how much more do we have to look forward to after we die. it's gonna be heaven. literally.

12:30am: FOR A REASON
"if there is a God then why is there so much suffering in the world?"

because it makes us better people. when i look at someone bound to a wheel chair, i instinctively look at my own legs and praise God that I'm so fortunate. these "victims" i like to call "angels" because those that cause other people so much introspection are infinitely valuable to the human race. it makes us less selfish, less self-pitying. what once were cries of "i have it so bad" are transformed into "i am so blessed" at the single glance of one who suffers more.

i think one of the greatest things to look forward to in heaven will be watching the crippled walk.

hasta luego, sir cheech.

11:45pm: GAMES, ANYONE?
I think I'm beginning to get hooked on anime. Haha. Wow, they're just...cool. I saw "Grave of the Fireflies" the other day. It was well-made. I'm going to watch "Spirited Away" this weekend. I heard it was good. Today, as I walked through one of my classrooms, I caught myself staring at this advertisement for an anime viewing they were having next week. sounds intriguing.

i've semi-sorted out what my plans for my college future are, as far as majors and minors. here goes:

double majoring in mass communications and political science.
minoring in film studies.

por que?

mass communications because that pretty much encompasses what i'm looking to do as a career. but mass comm isn't as difficult here so i'm figuring i can pick up another major along the way, so i decided on poli sci, simply because politics is the main focus of journalism. and then i'm doing film studies for pure pleasure. i'm very interesting in movie production. i think i might try to pursue that along with journalism. one or the other is just fine with me.

i got too much sleep last night. i know, that's sheer crazy-talk, but i think that's what happened. i think my body has been so used to five hours of sleep or less that it didn't know what to do with all the extra hours of rest. so it decided to invade my brain and make it all foggy-like. this day was passed in a haze of "huh?"

sacrificed two classes for text twist. that's just wrong.

www.coffeebreakarcade.com <-- if i'm going down, i'm bringing you with me.

i love you. whoever you are. just know that i love you.

4:53pm: EH IS THE WORD
not doing something to your full potential sucks.

it was okay before, when i was substituting fun for studying, but in the aftermath of my nutritional sciences midterm, i have tragically come upon that oh so sucky conclusion and felt the pitfalls of slack-dom.

i should have studied more. because that test was conquerable. i just wasn't wise enough to prepare for battle. i mean, i probably got at least a B for that ish, but, just knowing that a little extra push would have gotten me an A makes me frustrated.

11:20pm: SMELLY
my shirt smells like B.O.

just thought you'd like to know.

what does B.O. stand for?

Bonus quote of the day:
"Ages 3 and up!"

11:02pm: THE BREAK-UP
it's official. fred dong lee is taking a break from print journalism. after a less than stellar first-day experience with The Daily Cal I've decided that I'm going to pull a Ross & Rachel and just "take a break." maybe i'll flirt with some radio journalism or dapple in some magazines. i hope print doesn't get too jealous. i mean, come on. "we were on a break." go ross.

i am extremely happy. why? because i'm adapting to be content. everything is not perfect. but it's okay because i choose to be glad. no matter what happens, i'm good.

it's amazing how much God does for you. if you open up your heart and let Him in, you get this overwhelming feeling of love, of strength, of hope that something beautiful is right around the corner. Just a general offer for anyone: if you ever have any questions about God or Jesus Christ or Christianity, give me a holler. i'd like to talk with you.

9:45pm: FUN FOR YOU
"merry christmas, ya filthy animal."

where's that from?